An Open Letter: Why Tina Fey Should Be My Girlfriend
Dear Tina Fey,
By now you've probably read the title of this post, and I can already predict the many objections you might have, but I've decided to come out in public to refute these and hope that in due time true love will find a way. I know that your 30 Rock character, Liz Lemon, appreciates a logical approach to her personal life, so as a tribute I've laid out a few quick points which should prove conclusively that you have no excuse not to date me. Enjoy.
- First of all, I know you're not "gay" or whatever, but it's 2009 and, let's face it, I would make the perfect Samantha Ronson to your Lindsay Lohan. We could be the next big thing in gay/straight couples, without all the sunken cheeks and government-issued ankle bracelets.
- It's true that I'm a *little bit* younger than you but, the way I see it, this will work to our advantage: I'm not attached to my job, so I could easily travel with you as you pursue various projects around the globe. Plus, I'm pretty laid back and don't mind being bossed around, so if you wanted you could be my - well, I don't want to be rude, so let's just say it rhymes with "Booger Llama." And obvies when you grow old and decrepit I will still be spry enough to take care of you. kaCHING!
- I realize that you're currently married, but for you, Tina, I'm willing to waituntil your now A-list marriage inevitably dissolves until you realize that we are meant for each other.
Tina Fey, if you asked me to I would weave you a stole made of sunlight and the souls of the damned.
Tina, you are a woman of surpassing intellect and wit, and undeniably classic beauty. And I am a woman who can fully appreciate that. I doubt even you can deny that we would be great together in the face of my decisive 3-point thesis, for these are the trinity of our true love.
Alas, it seems that in this life I have been c*ckblocked by fate. Perhaps in our next lives the stars will align for us. Until then, we will always have this anonymous stalker-love. And isn't that the best kind of love, after all?
Noitisn'tpleasemarryme,
-Allyn
By now you've probably read the title of this post, and I can already predict the many objections you might have, but I've decided to come out in public to refute these and hope that in due time true love will find a way. I know that your 30 Rock character, Liz Lemon, appreciates a logical approach to her personal life, so as a tribute I've laid out a few quick points which should prove conclusively that you have no excuse not to date me. Enjoy.
- First of all, I know you're not "gay" or whatever, but it's 2009 and, let's face it, I would make the perfect Samantha Ronson to your Lindsay Lohan. We could be the next big thing in gay/straight couples, without all the sunken cheeks and government-issued ankle bracelets.
- It's true that I'm a *little bit* younger than you but, the way I see it, this will work to our advantage: I'm not attached to my job, so I could easily travel with you as you pursue various projects around the globe. Plus, I'm pretty laid back and don't mind being bossed around, so if you wanted you could be my - well, I don't want to be rude, so let's just say it rhymes with "Booger Llama." And obvies when you grow old and decrepit I will still be spry enough to take care of you. kaCHING!
- I realize that you're currently married, but for you, Tina, I'm willing to wait
Tina Fey, if you asked me to I would weave you a stole made of sunlight and the souls of the damned.
Tina, you are a woman of surpassing intellect and wit, and undeniably classic beauty. And I am a woman who can fully appreciate that. I doubt even you can deny that we would be great together in the face of my decisive 3-point thesis, for these are the trinity of our true love.
Alas, it seems that in this life I have been c*ckblocked by fate. Perhaps in our next lives the stars will align for us. Until then, we will always have this anonymous stalker-love. And isn't that the best kind of love, after all?
Noitisn'tpleasemarryme,
-Allyn
posted by Lucky Bito at
3:45 PM
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